I was just thinking of all the friends who dumped me just becuz i wasn't bad enough for them. I used to think there was something very wrong with me. I didn't go to parties. I didn't get drunk or high. I didn't go clubbing, or to any raves, or sit in a bar (well, i actually did once with my friend Stacey, we were underage, and they actually served her beer! i had a soft drink like a good little girl), i was known as miss-goodie-two-shoes. I hated being called that! And i fucking hate when people size me up in less than 2 minutes..like because i am shy, i must be boring! Not all shy people are boring, okay?! Just because i wasn't willing to have sex at age 14, or go out with the entire football team and become a major slut like some girls i knew, didn't make me less exciting. It just pisses me off all that garbage peer-pressure that occurs in high schools, and all that popularity crap. Its all bull-shite!
My best friend in high school found a better friend than me and turned the whole school against me. That was the worst time in my whole entire life! I didn't deserve to be treated like that! I used to give her lots of things, and one day i was sitting in French class and she threw everything i gave her back at me in front of the whole class..it was soo embarrassing and she was screaming at me that we are no longer friends and all i kept asking her was "what happened to make you hate me like that?" and she never gave me an answer. I could write thousands of pages on my school nightmares. People never got me and now i really don't care. This is who i am. Like that Lady Gaga song says "I was born this way."
It's hard to forget what people did to me in high school, all the nasty bullying, even some of my teachers, my fucking bitch of a religion teacher, i hated her so much!!! and my french teacher, he was the worst of them! he actually encouraged other students to tease me. I hope he and that religion teacher burn in hell!!!!! What made me actually enjoy high school is that i finally found a niche, a place where i could be myself and forget the hell around me, so i joined the school band, best thing i ever did! I made friends there who understood me and told me never to change coz they loved my sweetness and shyness. As i grew up, i had too much hatred in me instilled by those assholes who did a great job on me, making my life a living hell in school, and i began to shout a lot and i hate myself for that, becuz i started to hurt the ones i love around me. I had to learn to control my temper, take a deep breath and approach things in a diplomatic way. I didn't want those assholes to win! I'm trying hard to except the fact that there never was anything wrong with me and that i love the way i am. I'm worth it no matter what.
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